Friday, August 04, 2006

Goodkind meets Kenneth Grahame - The Yeard in the Willows

'Mole: I'm ebored with doing all this cleaning, my moral clarity is all dirty now. Think I'll rant for a few hours about the evils of those communist Weasles; then I might go and see my good friend Rattyhan.

Mole does indead rant for some time about how the evil communist Weasles have been moving into the riverbank, setting up their communes andliving an thourghly evil life of peace and harmony (which as everyone knows just lowers those house prices and is an affront to all those with moral clarity).

Rattyhan: Greetings good friend Mole. Badger Rahl and I were just discussing (at great length) the terrible plight of that young rascal Toad. It seems that the young fool has gotten his freedom taken away by evil allies of the filthy, peace loving communist Weasles.

Mole: Bags, thats terrible we should come up with a ludicrous and impractical plan to rescue him!

Badger Rahl: No you Bagging fool! Toad did not value his freedom, and so we must not help him until he realises its worth and saves him self.

Mole: but rumour has it that those horrible communist Weasles have moved into his home, claiming some nonsense about it being far too big for one Toad and still to big for all their friends and family. They've even dug up his Geraniums to plant crops to feed their poor and sick.

Badger Rahl: Bloody fools, don't they realise that the poor and sick deserve to suffer unless they embrace Reason, Right, Moral Clarity and Freedom. We must wait until Toad has come to his senses and freed himself, then we will strike!

Mole: and teach the evil Communist Weasles the error of their ways?

Badger Rahl strikes Mole over the head with a stout stick.

Badger Rahl: No you blithering idiot, we go in and Kill all their women and children, then we capture their men, cut off their sweet-meats and make them eat them. Its what they would do to us.

Rattyhan: what even me?

Badger Rahl: (striking Rattyhan over the head with his stout stick) No, not you. they would ravage and torture you in an attempt to corrupt you to their stinking Socialist Hippy ways. Then they would kill you.

Many weeks pass and eventually Toad escapes from prison by kicking a hapless washerwoman in the face and stealing her clothes. He quickly discovers that his home is now an ecofriendly commune for the weak, sick and poor of the riverbank. This upsets him greatly so he goes in search of his Free and Moraly Clear friends.

Toad: Bagging Hell Badger Rahl, i'm in trouble and must ask you to help me to liberate my home from these evil hippy communist Peaceloving Weasles. Please help me do so and in thus doing show the river bank the true wisdom of Freedom and Moral Clarity.

Badger Rahl: (strikes Toad over the head with his stout stick) Finnaly you hav elearned - To War my friends, where we will slaughter those women and children; burn their pittiful hovels; salt their gardens; and torture their menfolk to death!

Toad Hall is liberated, the mountain of corpses is left to rot on Toad's compost heap and Order, Right, Freedom and Moral Clarity are restored to the River Bank. '

- BranTheBuilder


Anonymous Anonymous said...


- Joe Dharma.

9:45 am  

Post a Comment

<< Home