Friday, August 04, 2006

Goodkind meets JK Rowling

'Ginny Weasley didn't know why they always called him "Harry with the Temper" - he was the kindest, most gentle boy she knew. Why, just the other day, Dudley had said some nasty things to him, and he had lectured him on freedom for a full half hour before ripping his spine out.

Suddenly there was a shout. "There are some people here to see Harry!"

Harry's eyes began to blaze. "What do they want? I'm busy!"

"Oh, Harry, they might be able to help with those headaches you've been having, you know, the ones you've been having ever since you destroyed Voldemort with the magic sword last week and unwittingly unleashed an even greater evil upon the world."

Harry's patience was growing short. "Show them in. But they'd better be quick about it, or they'll face my wrath."

Three scantily-clad giant nuns walked in, their faces haughty with, er, hauteur. These were grim faces and haughty too, faces that knew they were better than all other faces. These were nuns that were used to being in charge of other people. No ordinary nuns were they, but nuns of great power.

"Harry, I'm Sister Hagrid, and we're here to help you." one said. "We know you are a wizard, and so we have to take you off to Hogwarts to be trained. Come with us at once."

"Never!" cried Harry. He drew his sword with a rasping clang, and it blazed white. He had been able to make it blaze white after his thing rose for the first time when he defeated the beasts of Scoob in the previous book who had kidnapped Ginny and he was trying to get her back. "I'm no wizard, it's all a lie, I'm just a simple woodsman!"

"Er, Harry, you have used magic, remember; you're quite clearly a wizard" reminded Ginny gently.

"Nooooo!" roared Harry through his clenched teeth. "I hate magic! It's all a lie!" He raised his hands and cast a death spell on the sisters. One of them fired an arrow at him and he snatched it out of the air.

"Sisters, I have failed" moaned Sister Hagrid, and with a flash she stabbed herself in the heart and died.'

3 Comments:

OpenID wanna-fight-me said...

AAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!

*Scantily clad giant nuns*

*Sister Hagrid*

*Make his rising thing blaze white*

OMG ROFL!!! You Sir, Rock :D

11:03 am  
Blogger Matt said...

Hilarious. These Goodkind parodies are great.

3:01 pm  
Anonymous @saliza88 said...

Please tell me you know where the time machine that Terry Goodkind used is hidden. I am in dire need of one! Since his first 3 books were all published before the first Harry Potter book, a lot of what you said here makes no sense... I read all of the HP books and loved it. I am starting to read the Sword of Truth series now so I really can't say much about it yet. But my point is, according to you OMG! Time traveling is real! =O

2:33 pm  

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