Saturday, August 05, 2006

Goodkind meets R Scott Bakker

'What is a glimpse of tits, but one desire enabled by dollar bills?
-- Terrius Yeürdius, Inane Ramblings

If the jaw of a child goes unkicked, does not the wicked man feel vindicated? Will he raise up his weapons in anger, or will he simply accept it like a bitch? -- Jöesephus Anderus, I Guess I’m Just A Useless Wizard Anyway

AnasRichamûbor Rahllus, the Seeker-Objectivist looked out upon the teeming hordes of those who followed his voice. There were the De Harans, the Garrleoth, the Mydlandi, all calling in chant: Master Rahllus guide us, Master Rahllüs teach us, Master Rahllus recognize the lies that our facial muscles betray. In your Trüth we trust, in your mind-games we play. Our lives are small.


Kahlansmenet, the whore of Kelton, and now the Empress bearing the child of the Trûthyain, joined Rahllus at his right hand side. As a mistress of spies, she was responsible for ensuring that none who would oppose Rahllus would go without seeing her breasts before they died.

Xeddachmian X’rusas, Additivate Schoolman pulled his frame along the long halls of Ânderith, holy city of the elder prophet Nâthän Rahllus. Bags, I’ve lusted after that titty-baring whore for so long…why can’t Xedd get any!, he thought. But the lords of the Trüthy War against the Fimperia raged on.

"I’ve come to do battle with the Consultüsociâlists, their mysterious women wielders of words known as the Csihaüristers of the Därk, and above all, my father, Darkmoëngus!", said Rahllüs, whom the Trûthyain had sent him to kill.

“I am leaving now. Kick ass in my name, and salt the hearth of the heathen with yoür man-seed” the Seeker-Objectivist said. His holy light shone down upon the gathering of hardened fighters.


Rahllus drew his sword, Certainty of Trüth, and stepped toward his blind father, Darkmoëngus. “You are blind the Thousandword Speech, father. You have willfully…<12 pages snipped out>.

“Oh yeah” Darkmoëngus replied, “I’m a Marxist terrorist and I think yoü are crazy, and don’t have the balls to murder innocents.” <10 pages of AnasRichamûbor kicking children and beating up hippies and people who don’t agree with him in front of his daddy>

“The death of Niccëwe did nothing for me, father. The voice of Äyndus Rândys speaks within me. I will fight the No-Trüth without yoü.” And he spoke the Cants of Condescension, all of a sudden a war broke oüt, and all his enemies were thus destroyed.

- VigoTheCarpathian


Blogger The Moth-King said...

"The cants of condescension" is the best joke I've seen on this site.

11:27 pm  
Anonymous Anonymous said...


Bakker is beyond you.

9:25 am  

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