Tuesday, October 30, 2007

Namble Genesis Truthelion


It was an odd looking continent. All boring and covered in ice, which is water when it's frozen. But on that day in 2000, something happened. Antarctica was shattered, sea levels rose, cities were flooded and civilization collapsed. Pinko communism began to spread and democracy was replaced by gang-rapes. When order was finally restored, people began asking themselves what had caused the tragedy. Many theories were offered: Some said that it was a meteorite impact. Others claimed it was punishment from the heavens. Still others claimed it was the result of an experiment prodding Ayn Rand's bloated corpse with the Tuning Fork of Truth. These people were taken out and shot in a professional manner. And fifteen years passed...


When Chickens Attack

A row of tanks sat along the road overlooking the submerged ruins of a city. The crews were watching and waiting like collectivist lemmings, incapable of thinking for themselves. Hovering above were a group of VTOL fighters, their crews slightly less lemmingish but garbed in red shirts for some unknown reason. All of a sudden, a war broke out. A monster rose from the depths, black and massive and misshapen. Flexing its giant claws and squinting its beady eyes, the giant strode onto the shore, heedless of the pitiful lemmings who began to fire upon it. It was Namble, the Third Chicken. Its purpose was as simple as the choice between Life and Death. Nothing would stop it from reaching Midlands-3. The Yeard was calling to it.


In another section of the ruins, a boy stood staring at a pay phone. He was somewhat short for his age but not the shortest because some people were shorter than he. His name was Richard Ikari. At this moment, he was also cursing. "Stupid operator, can't understand a word she's saying. Why does she have to speak in Jibber-Jabber? Stupid parents for being from a funny foreign country. Stupid country for not speaking English!" Frustrated, he looked once more at the photo of the woman who was coming to pick him up. Actually, he just looked at her impressive cleavage, helpfully circled in pen with a caption reading 'Check these out'. He felt his thing rise in him. Looking up for a brief second, he spotted a girl across the street. She had blonde hair so pale it was almost silver, red eyes and was wearing a school uniform that wasn't sexy at all. He turned back to the photograph. Whoever that girl was, she probably wasn't important or anything. Without warning, the ground shook and buildings trembled. Richard looked up to see a hideous creature smashing VTOLs. It paused to look at him with its eyes, squinting down that terrifying beak. Then it turned and moved on, leaving burning wreckage in its wake. Behind him, Richard heard the squealing of tires.

"Richard Ikari, right? Sorry to keep you waiting, get in!"

Turning, Richard saw that it was the buxom woman from the photograph. His thing rose once again and he hopped into the woman's '98 Scarlet. The car quickly sped off, carrying Richard to his rendezvous with destiny.


Deep in the heart of his underground fortress, Commander Zeddicus Ikari watched the antics of the lemmings below him. Bags, but they were fools, thinking that their collectivist soldiers could possibly stop a Chicken. Behind him, his second in command Warren stood in silence. He really didn't do anything but nobody could stand around and agree with the Commander as well as him. The lemmings on the command room floor seemed to have reached a decision. One was speaking very rapidly into his phone. Zedd smirked, the gesture hidden behind his hands which he held steepled in front of his face. Soon, he thought. Soon the lie would be put to their purpose.


At an outlook on the highway, Richard watched the woman looking at something in the distance through a pair of binoculars. He noted that her breasts looked even larger in real life than they did in the photo. He also wondered how he hadn't noticed that her hair was an odd purple color before now. Then his gaze wandered back to her chest and he forgot what he'd just been thinking about.

"Oh shit, the lemmings are using an N2 mine? Get down!"

Richard suddenly fell backwards as the woman threw herself over him. In the distance, there was a giant explosion as if someone had just detonated a really big explosive. The shock wave tossed the car end over end and the pair were thrown around for several minutes until the car finally came to a stop, somehow landing upright. Richard opened his eyes to see two breasts staring back at him. Opening her own eyes, the woman looked at Richard.

"You know, I don't think we've been properly introduced. I'm Major Nicci Katsuragi. Nice to meet you."

"Mffffgh ng Rrrrnnn"

"Oops, sorry about that." Nicci sat up, leaving Richard free but somewhat disappointed.

"They're very nice- I mean, it's nice to meet you too."


Back in the command center, the lemmings celebrated as the Chicken vanished in the explosion. Zedd continued to smirk and said nothing. A technician announced that visual contact was being restored. There on the viewscreen they could see the Chicken, unharmed. It cackled, a sound which turned the lemmings knees to jelly and their bowels to water. A flash of light came from its evil eyes and the visual feed was lost. From behind the Commander, Warren spoke.

"An RD-Field."

"Indeed, just like fifteen years ago."

On the floor, the lemmings rose from their seats and turned to look at Zedd. The Commander looked down upon them. Generals Muus and Mish and the one they simply called W. Lemmings all and now they had seen the lie that was their existence. It was written on their faces.

"It appears we will have to make use of your services after all, Commander. Do you think you can stop the Chicken when we could not?"

Zedd glared down at them. "That is why D'HARA exists."


The Scarlet sped down the deserted highway. Inside, Richard was struggling with something.

"Nicci, that monster I saw earlier, what was it?"

"Oh that? We call them Chickens. Our organization exists to protect mankind from them."

Ahh, Richard thought, that explains why I felt I was in the presence of Evil Incarnate.

Nicci turned around to stare at the back seat. "Say, was it really a good idea to do that?" Richard followed her gaze to where a large number of batteries and fuel cans were sitting.

"Of course it was. This is an emergency and we need fuel and power to get wherever it is you're taking me."

"Actually, I meant what you did to that little girl at the gas station."

"You mean that evil girl who told us we couldn't just take all the gas we wanted? Kicking her in the jaw was perfectly justified."

"She would disagree. Well, if it wasn't for the fact that she can't talk any more after you broke her jaw and severed her tongue. You even laughed about it."

"So what if I laughed? You did too. Eventually, even the parents laughed. That girl was choosing Death by trying to keep us from taking the supplies that we needed. By doing that, she turned her back on the Way and the Truth. Even a child can be used for Evil. If someone like me hadn't shown her the error of her ways-"

Realizing that he might go on for some time, Nicci floored the accelerator in an attempt to reach headquarters as quickly as possible.



Chicken Attack

Warren watched Commander Zedd watch the monitor. Being second in command wasn't really all it was cracked up to be. Lots of standing around and doing nothing while his boss got to do all the fun stuff. He heard a voice on the intercom say that Major Katsuragi had finally arrived with the Third Seeker. Zedd turned to him. "I'll leave matters to you." Then the Commander strode off, imperturbable as always. 'Their first meeting in years' Warren thought. On the monitor, he could see that the Chicken was approaching the perimeter of the city. He looked down at the bridge technicians and began issuing orders. The long-haired one and the one with glasses were quick to obey. They probably had names but Warren had never bothered learning them.


The motion indicator continued to click as the elevator descended deeper into the underground base. While watching the device, Richard thought over the wonders he had just witnessed in Midlands-3. A gigantic underground cavern blooming with life and light, an entire city under the earth, huge rooms full of machinery and giant walkways that must have been designed purely to look cool. Unfortunately he didn't have time to gaze in wonder because he had to keep up with Nicci's rapid pace. She kept muttering something about being behind schedule. What did he care for her schedule? Suddenly, their elevator reached its destination. Nicci strode towards the opening door, only to stop in her tracks when she realized a woman was standing behind it, waiting.

"You sure took your time. Don't you realize this is an emergency?!"

The speaker was Doctor Cara Akagi, head scientist of D'HARA. She wore her lab coat over a tight red leather outfit which accentuated her generous assets. A zipper ran down the front, fastened at the top with a pullring. No one on the base dared comment on that ring, much less attempted to pull it down. The older workers whispered of an intern named Deejay Krapt who had tried to do just that, once. It was said his screams echoed through the halls of the base for a week. At the moment, she looked most unhappy. Nicci attempted to diffuse the tension.

"Ahaha, sorry. I'm still getting used to the layout of the base."

"Oh fine. Come along, I'll punish you later."

"(Mumble mumble mumble)"

"What did you say?"

"I said 'Yes Mistress'"


Cara led the group into a darkened room. Richard's mind had wandered as Cara spoke of numbers and ratios and things that were probably meaningless but once he realized he was in the dark, his unmatched intellect began working again. Maybe his father had brought him here for a surprise party? All of a sudden, someone flipped a light switch. Richard found a pair of giant golden eyes staring back at him. He fell over backwards in surprise. "Hehe, got you! What do you think?". As Nicci spoke, Richard stood up and for once in his life, he was speechless. In front of him was a gigantic head formed in a rather capric shape, with two horns rising out from the back of the skull. Looking down, Richard could see the shape extend far down below him. The giant's body was white and if Richard was any judge, fleecy. It was, he thought, the most noble thing he had ever seen in his life. As he stared in awe, Cara began to speak again.

"Like it? This is Truthelion Unit-01, mankind's last hope in the battle with the Chickens."

"Did father build this?"

"That's right."

Looking up, Richard could see an observation window above and behind the noble giant. Standing at that window, smirking, was the father he hadn't seen in years.

"It's been a long time Richard."

"Why did you bring me here, father?"

Ignoring him, Zedd spoke to the women.

"Prepare Unit-01 for launch. Richard will pilot it."

"What?! Father, what are you saying? Why?"

"Because you have been identified as one of the Seekers, the only ones who can control a Truthelion. The Marduk Institute report also indicated that you possess the rare Garystu gene. You will become a pilot; it is your destiny."


On the surface, Namble strode through the deserted streets of Midlands-3. The Yeard was close now, it could feel it in its bones. Well, if it had bones, which it didn't. All it had to do now was find a way down. Raising its arm, it pointed at a section of pavement. Immediately, an explosion vaporized the concrete and a large chunk of the earth underneath, penetrating several layers of the armor concealed under the surface. The energy from the explosion was then forced skyward into a column, long and straight until the end where excess energy bled off diagonally downward, forming twin barbs.


Below, the room shook. Zedd looked upward for a second, his smirk briefly replaced by concern.

"We have no time left. Prepare Richard to pilot the Truthelion"

While the women argued over technical details, his son just stood there like a wayward pine, staring into space.

"Richard, why are you standing there? Get ready."

His son finally looked up.


"What did you say?"

"I sad no. You're trying to tell me what to do. That's telling me I should live my life the way you want me to live. It's obstructing my right to choose Life and decide my own destiny. You say that I'm special? You're right that I'm special. I know the Truth and soon, everyone here will know it too. They will join me in choosing Life or they will follow your orders like the lemmings they are and choose Death."

"Richard, shut up. Doctor, if you would?"

"I'm not done yet! By virtue of my understanding of the Truth I-"

Richard's pontificating was cut short by Cara's sharp blow to the back of his skull.

"Thank you Doctor. Now Richard, I'll only say this once. Pilot the Truthelion"


'Damn brats these days.' Zedd thought. An inspiration struck him and he activated his radio.

"Warren, our new pilot is useless. Wake Kahlan."

"Are you sure? After that incident-"

"She hasn't been raped yet."

Rubbing the back of his head, Richard mused darkly on all the things he was going to do to his father. He hated the old man, always trying to make him do things he didn't want to. Well, he'd never make Richard do anything again. He strode back towards the door but stopped when it opened in advance of him and a girl on a stretcher was wheeled through. It was the same girl he had seen earlier, only now she was wearing a skintight white bodysuit with artistically arranged bandages around her head and arms. Now that he was closer to her, Richard couldn't help but notice that she was racked for a fourteen year old. His thing began to rise once more. As she was rolled past, Richard looked into her eyes. They were trusting eyes he thought, intelligent and especially kind eyes. As she went by, Richard saw her smile, a special smile only for him. Or maybe it was a wince of pain, either way was ok as far as he was concerned. The medics stopped and the girl sat up, breathing heavily.


In the streets, the Chicken was practically quivering with anticipation. Only a little more and it would be through the armor. Then, it could become one with the Yeard. It fired once more, and the enormous shaft of energy the residents of Midlands-3 would come to call Namble's Cock rose skywards once more.


The room trembled as the hellish energies being wielded above vented themselves upon the earth. The pale-haired girl was thrown out of the stretcher and landed hard on the floor, her bosom heaving as she took deep, gasping breaths and moaned as if she was in pain. Richard ran over to her and grabbed her, noticing that as he did, her moans grew in intensity. Richard surmised that she might be in pain. Their eyes locked again and he felt something: A bond between them, something stronger than even the Truth. It was the Plot. Zedd's voice broke the magic of the moment.

"Son, if you don't get your ass into that machine, I'll make her pilot it. She's in no condition to so much as sit up so it will be certain death and it will be your fault for being a stuck up little bitch and I'll never let you forget it."

Now Richard had to decide.

"Mustn't choose Death. Mustn't choose Death. Mustn't choose Death. Mustn't choose Death. Mustn't choose Death. Mustn't choose Death."

"Did I mention that she'll be your co-worker if you say yes?"

"... Alright, I'll pilot it."


The group, minus Richard, reconvened in the control room. Cara's assistant Maya was already there, giving Richard last minute instructions prior to activation. The scientist reached for a microphone.

"Richard, how are you doing?"

"Fine I guess, aside from this Agiel thing. It's kind of... uncomfortable."

"It's absolutely required to synchronize your body with the Truthelion. Stop complaining, the burning feeling will go away in a while."

Cara then leaned over Maya's shoulder to press a button on the console. As she straightened up, she whispered something into the younger woman's ear which caused her face to turn bright red. Nicci shot the scientist a disapproving look. Over the intercom, Richard's panicky voice could be heard.

"Eeeewwww, what is this stuff filling the cockpit?!"

"That's LCL, it does all sorts of important things I can't be bothered to explain right now."

"It's really gross, just so you know."

"Did I mention it's made from the blood of slain enemies?"

"Really, in that case I guess it's ok."

Maya began running down the activation checklist. "Nerve connections, all green. RBL pulled. Ego borderline thingy whatsis looking good. Synch ratio... 399.99 percent?"

Cara leaned over Maya's shoulder again, this time so quickly that her chest brushed the woman's face in the process. Maya didn't seem to mind much. "399.99%?! That really is incredible."

"Yes, of course he's that good..." Nicci commented, a touch of bitterness in her voice.

"Did you say something Major?"

"Never mind."


Within minutes, the technobabble was over and the Truthelion moved to its launch platform. In the corner of the hangar, a technician was recording the scene so it could be used again and again. Nicci turned to Commander Zedd, who looked at the readouts and then nodded. She then turned back to the others.

"Truthelion, launch!"

The final restraints were released and the giant machine rocketed towards the surface at speeds well in excess of fast.


Hearing a sound, Namble turned. A hole in the street was opening behind it. Suddenly, a gigantic shape emerged. Woolen white armor and horns... the natural enemy of the Chickens, given form. Truthelion Unit-01 faced down Namble. In the mecha's cockpit, Richard stared at the Chicken with a raptor-like gaze. Watching all this on a monitor far below in the safety of headquarters, Nicci whispered a prayer.

"Richard, don't get raped."

To Be Continued...

Chickens, the mysterious invaders who threaten mankind. Truthelion, the only thing that can stop them. In the streets of Midlands-3, Richard fights for his life. What will awaken on this fated day? And what of the mysterious Kahlan? Next time on Namble Genesis Truthelion: An Odd Looking Ceiling/Bringer of Death. Of course, there'll be lots of Important Human Themes too!

- Dycedarg


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