Friday, August 11, 2006

An Appeal for Aid

URGENT APPEAL FOR AID
BY THE PEOPLE'S REPRESENTATIVE COUNCIL OF D'HARA



We, the duly elected representatives of the people of D'Hara, are sending this message out to our neighbours in the hope that aid can be given to our oppressed brothers and sisters.

Ten years ago, our country was under the oppressive rule of Darken Rahl, a totalitarian lunatic dictator who was responsible for the murder of hundreds of thousands of innocent civilians and outlawed fire. We now look back on these days with a certain nostalgic fondness. Our lands were liberated by a man named Richard Cypher (he later turned out to be Darken Rahl's son, which should have set alarm bells ringing, especially when he said he was 'unaware' of this fact) and his wife, the Mother Confessor Kahlan.

We were expecting, under Richard's leadership, that D'Hara would be led to enlightened self-governance and the introduction of a movement towards possible democracy. Instead, the last ten years have seen our land constantly at war with the neighbouring and more powerful Old World which has sapped our country's resources, economy and population. We have lost track of the number of times our nation's safety has been foolhardly endangered by Richard running off to save his wife from her latest kidnapping, or indeed them setting up a love nest in the mountains whilst our brave soldiers are getting their arses handed to them on the front lines. When Richard is actually bothered to turn up and lead our country, he spends most of his time giving extremely lengthy speeches about nothing at all, really. We have learned to cheer these speeches since Richard had several dissenters kicked in the face when they tried protesting.

As Lord Richard's rule has progressed, we have noted a continuous deterioation in both his mental state and ability to rule the country effectively. The Seeker's decision to have all chickens in the country registered and checked regularly in case they have been 'replaced' has been a severe blow to our poultry industry. Lord Rahl's order that goats be elevated to exalted status throughout the country has been ruinous to the goat's milk business. Given that the economy of D'Hara revolves nearly exclusively around goat's milk and cheese, and chicken exports, this has not been a profitable move for the country.

During our most recent war with the Order, Richard ordered tens of thousands of our soldiers to carry out brutal murders and repression of unarmed, innocent citizens and the burning of their cities.There have been reports of our soldiers suffering severe trauma at butchering women and children to death when they try to defend their homes. Soldiers who refuse to carry out these instructions are condemned for treason and immediately executed. One of our battle commanders apparently allowed the populace of one enemy city to leave unolested as long as they didn't take up arms against our army. He then destroyed all the nearby farmlands, salted the earth and burned down the towns and cities, condemning these people to slow starvation and death on the plains of the south.

We beg the international community and the outside world to intervene and save our kingdom from any more ruin!
- Werthead

2 Comments:

Anonymous DevilsAdvc8 said...

Replace Old World with Iraq, and Richard with Bush, and you have the same in a nutshell.

9:15 am  
Anonymous Mukmak said...

We, the duly elected representatives of the people of The United States of America, are sending this message out to our neighbors in the hope that aid can be given to our oppressed brothers and sisters.

Ten years ago, our country was under the oppressive rule of George Bush, a totalitarian lunatic dictator who was responsible for the murder of hundreds of thousands of innocent civilians and outlawed fire. We now look back on these days with a certain nostalgic fondness. Our lands were liberated by a man named George Dubya (he later turned out to be George Bush's son, which should have set alarm bells ringing, especially when he said he was 'unaware' of this fact) and his wife, the First Lady Laura.

We were expecting, under George's leadership, that The United States of America would be led to enlightened self-governance and the introduction of a movement towards possible democracy. Instead, the last ten years have seen our land constantly at war with the neighboring and more powerful Iraq which has sapped our country's resources, economy and population. We have lost track of the number of times our nation's safety has been foolhardily endangered by George running off to save his wife from her latest kidnapping, or indeed them setting up a love nest in the Desert of Texas whilst our brave soldiers are getting their arses handed to them on the front lines. When George is actually bothered to turn up and lead our country, he spends most of his time giving extremely lengthy speeches about nothing at all, really. We have learned to cheer these speeches since George had several dissenters kicked in the face when they tried protesting.

As President George's rule has progressed, we have noted a continuous deterioration in both his mental state and ability to rule the country effectively. The Rancher's decision to have all chickens in the country registered and checked regularly in case they have been 'replaced' has been a severe blow to our poultry industry. President Bush's order that goats be elevated to exalted status throughout the country has been ruinous to the goat's milk business. Given that the economy of The United States of America revolves nearly exclusively around goat's milk and cheese, and chicken exports, this has not been a profitable move for the country.

During our most recent war with the Terrorists, George ordered tens of thousands of our soldiers to carry out brutal murders and repression of unarmed, innocent citizens and the burning of their cities. There have been reports of our soldiers suffering severe trauma at butchering women and children to death when they try to defend their homes. Soldiers who refuse to carry out these instructions are condemned for treason and immediately executed. One of our battle commanders apparently allowed the populace of one enemy city to leave unmolested as long as they didn't take up arms against our army. He then destroyed all the nearby farmlands, salted the earth and burned down the towns and cities, condemning these people to slow starvation and death on the plains of the south.

We beg the international community and the outside world to intervene and save our kingdom from any more ruin!
-Mukmak (Based on original by Werthead and idea by DevilsAdvc8 )

12:43 am  

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